Somehow it all works
The beautiful thing about this crazy life is that somehow it all works out just exactly how it is supposed to be. I don’t know how, and I don’t think I ever will. I don’t really want to know either. Even though sometimes it would be nice to have a little glimpse into how some things are going to work out, life wouldn’t be quite the same adventure. All I know is that somehow, in some crazy and often unexpected way, life just fits together into a story that I’m proud to tell.
Actually, this is something beyond knowing. It’s something that I feel. I’ve tried to tell people that it’s all going to work out– that you just have to have this inner feeling of everything being ok. Except most of the time, they still question everything. They don’t actually know what I’m talking about because that feeling isn’t something that you can just convince yourself to believe. Which is really unfortunate because it is such a good feeling to have about life.
I remember the exact moment when this feeling started. It was about a month and a half after the worst day of my life. We were still in St. Louis, and I was on my normal run around the pond. It was a beautiful fall day, but my mind couldn’t stop running. It couldn’t stop thinking ahead about tomorrow, about next week, about next month, about next year. Then it just hit. I just realized that it was all going to be ok. It was all going to work. I’m going to be able to get up the next day. It was just this feeling of inner peace that took over. I had to stop running because I started crying so much. But they were happy tears. I had been waiting for these tears. Dad had been telling me that it would all be ok, but I didn’t believe him until this. He’s the smartest man I’ll ever know.
Sure, there are days where I try and search for the feeling on a long run or a call home to mom when that feeling seems to have disappeared. This semester has definitely had it’s fair share of these moments. From the adventure of finding a place to live before arriving in Grenoble (you need a bank account to rent an apartment, but you need a French address to have a bank account…) to finding enough classes in English to take to graduate in time, there are the moments where you think it just might not work out this time. Even on those days, that feeling is still inside of me somewhere, and it is up to me to bring it back to life.
By far the most challenging (yet incredibly rewarding) experience I’ve had this semester is going through full-time on-campus recruiting (OCR) while abroad. Normal OCR itself is quite an interesting time of the year. Add time zone differences, fast but not high-speed internet, and being unable to receive international calls to the mix and it is nothing short of another adventure. OCR is an absurd process. I tried to explain it to other Erasmus students here, and I’m pretty sure they think I’m crazy. You did how many interviews? For jobs starting in a year? And you haven’t actually graduated yet? It’s crazy. You definitely learn a lot about what you do (and don’t want to do). You start to reflect on the connections in your story. You learn A LOT about everything. You call your mom multiple times a day even with a 6 hour time difference. By the end, your priorities and opportunities start to align in this just perfectly flawless manner. And somehow in the end, it all just works. It’s beautiful.
Thanks to Mom and everyone else for sticking with me and listening to the highs and the lows. As of last week, I’m officially done with OCR and so incredibly happy and fortunate to be joining the Workday team out in San Francisco next summer. I never thought I’d ever say this, but California, Zoey and I are coming for you!
Une chose français: Les queues. There really shouldn’t even be a word in French for this because I really don’t think the concept of a line is very popular. It’s more of a gathering than anything. If you are strategic, it actually works out better than a traditional line.
Something I’ve learned to live without: Tucking every article of clothing into pants/jacket/shoes when going skiing. Yes, I was indeed that child who had to have every article of clothing just so perfectly arranged before I went skiing. And yes, it took me about an hour to get dressed. I’m happy to say that on the most recent ski adventure, my shirt and pants were untucked.